BTLOG Christmas Tour: DAY 2
8:30 AM - Wake up. I should be sleeping later but I just can't. I have a strange soreness in my stomach. I write it off to just pushing it too hard in PE class yesterday.
11:00 AM - Wander around the church looking for proper PE facilities. This particular church has a pre-school attached to it. As I am walking the halls looking around every corner for a gym in my hooded sweatshirt and my sweatpants - I realize that I am probably freaking some of the pre-school people out. I do find a gym though.
12:00 PM - Start the PE
Class. Today's class has a much better attendance. We
begin with some basic stretches and a couple of laps
around the gym. I start feeling pretty bad - but once
again convince myself that once I get warmed up I
will feel better. We play some knockout then create a
volleyball game called the "Circle of Volleys". I
start feeling kind of light-headed and leave the gym
for some water. I throw up in the bathroom. I go back
into the gym and we start playing wiffleball. It was
me, Dragon Sword, Chaos and Gaby Baby vs. Vitamin D,
Rebel Jesus, Nueve and Styles. They were up to bat
first. We finished the scoreless top of the inning
with a fabulous double play. Our turn at bat ended
with a homer by Chaos. I was on first and was trying
to run the bases in front of Chaos. That was about
the time that Dragon Sword called the game on account
of the fact that I looked like I was about to puke
again. I felt awful.
1:00 PM - I skip lunch and just go lay in my bunk.
3:30 PM - I wake up for sound check. Sure seems like
everyone was having a lot of fun without me. I
realize how lonely it is to be sick on a tour like
this.
4:30 PM - I go to the hotel to take a shower with
Dragon Sword. Let me re-phrase that. I go to the
hotel with Dragon Sword to take a shower. I start
writing a song in the shower called "Sick on the
Bus". I frantically try to finish it in case I want
to sing it in tonight's show.
6:00 PM - Dinner was a creamy rice dish with chicken
fajita stuff. It was pretty yummy. I was glad to have
some of my appetite back. Nobody wanted me to sit
with them because they were afraid of getting sick. I
ate in a corner by myself.
6:45 PM - Tried to finish the song before the first
half of the concert. I was three lines short.
7:00 PM - Show time. I played New Pair of Eyes and
Resurrection. I started feeling pretty awful during
this part of the show. My body was aching and I had
the fever chills. Excellent.
9:30 PM - Show is over. I pack up quickly and go
straight to the bus to lay down. Not feeling too
good. Ricky Gervais' stand up comedy special is on
TV. I watch it in my bunk then go to sleep.
BTLOG Christmas Tour: DAY 1
12/2/08 - Elkhorn, NE
9:00 AM - I wake up. It usually takes me a night or so to get used to sleeping on the bus, but I slept fine last night. We left Nashville around 10 PM last night. The bus is stopped at some truck stop to refuel so I run in to use the wonderful facilities. I contemplate getting breakfast from the Arby's inside the truck stop then decide that I am still stuffed from the Chik-Fil-A sandwiches and fries we ate on the bus last night. When I get back to the bus there are only a few other guys awake. We still have a couple of hours to drive before we get to Elkhorn so I play Wii with Chris Biggs, Andrew Peterson and Ben Shive. It takes us a while to create our Mii characters, then we start a bowling game (which I won). We then start a golf game but don't get to finish it because we pull up to the church on Hole #8.
12:30 PM - Go inside the church and say "Hi" to all of our friends there. This is the 5th time we have played here in 4 years so it kind of feels like home. I go eat the famous Chicken Noodle Soup along with a roast beef sandwich. I was eating with Jill, Cason Cooley, AP and Ben. Andy Osenga set his plate down next to me then went back into another room to get something. We immediately started talking about what we should slip into Osenga's sandwich. See, Osenga is not what you would call a "foodie". I don't think he enjoys eating at all - so when he does eat, he just likes things plain. So we tried to slip a couple of sweet pickles between the two pieces of turkey on his plain bread. It didn't work. He saw them before he bit them. Oh well. I announce that our newly established P.E. class would begin at 1:30 - as soon as people set up their instruments on stage.
1:45 PM - I head to the gym after setting up my guitars to set up for PE Class. I have my official BTLOG PE uniform on. Nobody else is there except for Cason (who was the co-originator of this PE class). Jill and Todd Bragg join us shortly thereafter and we start playing four square. Jill has never played or heard of four square before. How is that possible? Then we start playing basketball - a nice game of 21. Pretty soon we are joined by Osenga and tour newcomer David Henry. Our PE t-shirts have our nicknames on the back. Mine is Gully. Cason's is Styles B. Osenga's is Nueve. David Henry's is Vitamin D. We are joined by Chris Hubbs who shows that he actually has some good basketball skillz.
2:30 PM - We move on to play some Home Run Derby in the gym with a wiffle ball. Although Nueve can't pitch worth a darn, he has a super human ability to smash the ball into left field. He wins the competition. I don't even hit one single homer. This is embarassing for me.
3:00 PM - After playing a few rounds of basketball knockout - we call it a day. Then Dragon Sword (Andrew P) shows up and says he wants to play knockout too. He said he didn't know we were already having PE. That is not true. I was very clear about when the class would start - but decided I wasn't going to go around and force people to come to class. They would just be marked absent. Anyways - we started playing knockout again.
3:20 PM - Speaking of knockout - we followed that game with some good old Dodgeball. It was me, Dragon Sword and Chris Hubbs against Todd (Hot Toddie), Styles and Chaos (Ben Shive). Within the first minute of starting the game - due do a weird series of events - Chaos ended up accidentally pegging Dragon Sword directly in the eyeball from about three feet away. Our first injury of the tour.
4:15 PM - We start the
sound check. Dragon Sword is wearing a patch over his
right eye because the church nurse said the throw
from Chaos bruised his eyeball. This only serves as a
reminder to Chaos that he hates sports.
5:30 PM - Head to dinner. I am not really hungry -
partly because I ate lunch 5 hours ago and partially
because I had approximately 8 chocolate chip cookies
since then. The dinner was great, though. Cheesy
potato casserole, Pot roast and salad. Just what I
needed. I skipped dessert because I just plain didn't
have any room. Bebo (Rebel Jesus) apologizes for
missing class. He said he didn't realize when it was
happening. I said I understood, but he would still
have to be marked absent.
7:00 PM - Show starts. I play The Secret and Holy
Flakes in the first half of the show. I wish I had
more new songs - but I am just in a major writing
slump.
9:30 PM - The show is over. It was great. It is
always great here in Elkhorn. I pack up my stuff,
talk to a few folks and then head back to the green
room to find some pizza. Yummy. Covered in meat. Just
what I needed.
10:45 PM - Rebel Jesus and I storm the men's restroom
with the dodgeballs and repetitively peg Styles as he
is getting ready to take a shower (he still had his
clothes on). He ends up hiding in one of the stalls
for cover.
11:30 PM - heading out on the bus. Someone finds
Darjeeling Limited on the TV and we start watching
it. I enjoy the movie except for the times when the
satellite freezes up. I am feeling very tired though.
Barely make it through the whole thing - then head to
my bunk where it is lights out while some of the
other guys start watching some David Gray DVD.
"So you start with your driver ..."
8-25-08 My Church FFL Draft
8-24-08 Maryville, TN
8-9-08 Ft. Worth, TX
My Recent Marriage
About a year ago, I decided it was time to finally
set up a Facebook account because everyone said I
wasn't cool unless I had a Facebook page. I don't
know why I wasn't cool just for having my MySpace
page or even my own website, but apparently some
people can only find me on Facebook. Whatever. I set
up my account on a whim one night and needed to put
up a profile picture. I don't have any good normal
pictures of myself, so I chose the ping pong picture
for my profile. Now I frequently get comments about
how awesome my ping pong form looks. What they don't
know is that I am about to slam that ball in a girl's
face. I guess it is better that people can't see that
other side of the table.
Two nights ago, I was helping my wife (Jill) set up
her own Facebook page. We created it about a month
ago, but she wanted me to show her how to update
stuff like pictures and personal information. (On a
side note - any 8 year old kid could figure out all
of that stuff on their own - but I wasn't about to
tell Jill that.) We put up a few pictures of our
family and added some other stuff to her page. We
came to a section of the personal information that
asked her marital status. She clicked "married". It
then opened up a little window to link to her spouse.
She typed in my name. When we clicked the "update"
button at the bottom of the page, it took us directly
to another page that said something like ..
"You have chosen to be married to Andy Gullahorn. Is
this really what you want to do?"
I know this page is just there to make sure that
people don't enter any wrong information before they
broadcast it all over Facebook - but a certain
feeling of fear shot through me. Right next to the
question was that goofy picture of me about to slam a
ping pong ball in a pregnant girl's face. It was as
if it was saying, "Are you sure you want to be
married to this guy? The guy playing ping pong
right here in this picture? Are you kidding?"
I looked at Jill and do you know what I saw?
Hesitation.
I can hardly blame her. Most girls dream of marrying
some strong, handsome, successful man who will take
care of their every need. I could see her mind
running through all of my attributes - considering if
it really was a wise choice to marry me at this
point. I have a stupid ping pong picture on my
profile. I love playing fantasy football. I want to
re-join the Professional Disc Golf Association. I
have an electronic Whoopie Cushion with a remote
control - that I use frequently - and still think is
funny. I have a 4' x 4' picture of Kathy Lee
Gifford's face in my garage that I refuse to get rid
of. I don't have the will power to ever turn down
sausage or bacon. I have never had a real job. I am
not very good at prayer. I snore sometimes. I am
sarcastic 70% of the time. The only suit I own has a
hole in the shoulder. I stop to pick up hats on the
side of the interstate. I am not "in shape". I don't
"read books". And the list goes on.
See, ten years ago it wasn't that hard of a decision.
We were fresh out of college. She didn't know better
- or if she did, I am sure she thought that I would
at least mature over time. Turns out I am still the
same immature weirdo that I was on August 8, 1998.
The only difference is that she didn't know
just how weird I was back then. Now she has
seen me in my full weirdness. She has seen me make
stupid jokes that nobody laughs at. She has seen me
say completely inappropriate things to people I
hardly know. She has seen just how much time I
actually spend getting ready for those Fantasy
drafts. Now she is able to make an informed decision
- and the odds are not in my favor. I mean, I have
known all along that she was out of my league. I was
fully aware of that on our first date in 1995 and
have been every day since then. And now she has her
chance to set the record straight.
The hesitation seemed to last hours but it was
probably only 10 seconds or so. It felt as if the
mouse pointer was hovering over the "Cancel" button
that whole time. I looked at Jill and felt completely
helpless. Any attempt to influence her decision might
send her over the edge. Then finally - she clicked
it.
"Accept"
She smiled at me.
With a sigh of relief I just said,
"Thanks."
8-1-08 Sugar Land, TX
7-31-08 Houston, TX
7-30-08 Tomball, TX
7-26-08 Bowling Green, KY
Download my CD for FREE!!! (or lots of money)
Anyways - you can download the whole record for free or you can pay what you want for it. If you ask me, I say you should pay lots of money for it. Just imagine that you were at your local carnival and you are hungry for a huge corn dog. It costs five dollars. You eat it and it is gone. It leaves you with a stomach ache. Now, you could pay that same amount for a CD that you will be able to keep forever and won't make your tummy hurt. Wait, now that you think about it - the CD sounds many times better than that stupid corn dog. It is probably at least 5 times better than that corn dog. So maybe you decide to pay $25 for it. It all depends on how hungry you are.
Honestly though, this is just a way for me to share a record that I really believe in with as many people as possible. So feel free to tell all of your friends. In fact, you can easily take this widget and put it on your MySpace page, Facebook page, blog, website ... basically anywhere on the web. Just click on the upper right corner of the widget where it says "share this" and it will tell you what to do.
As i said, this record will only be up for a limited time. However, after that - I plan to just give away different music. Maybe my last record. Maybe some new demos and special songs. Who knows? If you have any requests let me know - but keep in mind that they actually have to be my songs. Don't request that i give away Coldplay's new record for free. They are only worth two corndogs anyways.
Download away ...
Thank you Houstonites ... Houstonians ... Houstestants
Coming to Houston
Reviews in real life magazines
Somehow my, I mean Andy's, record made it to some important people who write for magazines. He is very grateful for this.
There was a very nice and long review in Christian Musician magazine. It is too long for us to quote here. Just tons and tons of words about how great the record is. Just take our word for it. Andy would like to thank Shane (I mean Shawn) for the kind words.
The May/June issue of
Discipleship
Journal listed Andy's latest CD as one of
their "DJ Picks". It says ...
"OK, so the real reason I listened to Andy's CD is
because I'd heard there was a tribute song to his
friend's toe, which was cut off by a lawn mower. That
song, "Roast Beef", will make you laugh, but it may
also leave you feeling as if you've encountered
something profound. Which is the effect of this
entire CD. How could something so simple - a guy, an
acoustic guitar, lyrics about cholesterol and Dora
the Explorer - be so eloquent and insightful? I chalk
it up, in part, to Gullahorn's unusual honesty about
his (and our) humanity and his musical pointing to
the unfailing grace of God. If you like a folk sound
and great storytelling, head to www.andygullahorn.com
for this gem." - Sue Kline, Discipleship Journal
Andy
is very grateful for such kind words. Andy has heard
from many people who found out about his music
through this magazine. Andy would like to thank the
people at Discipleship Journal.
The June 2008 issue of Christian Single
magazine reviews
Reinventing The
Wheel as
well giving it four stars out of a possible three.
Either that or out of five. I can't remember. Either
way - it is a lot better than 3.5 stars (take that
Natalie Grant). (Andy actually doesn't mean any
disrespect to Natalie Grant. Andy likes Natalie and
her husband and was only using her as an example from
the same magazine. Actually, it wasn't Andy using her
as an example - it was us, his team of workers.)
Anyways, this is what the review said ...
"Andy Gullahorn has a knack for finding spiritual
truths in the ordinary occurrences of life. And
that's precisely what makes his music instantly
memorable and relatable on Reinventing the
Wheel. With
the simplicity of acoustic guitar, Gullahorn creates
intricate melodies that keep the songs interesting
and colorful. Even more distinctive than the music
itself are his poetic, meaningful lyrics that reflect
the ups and downs of the faith journey. In "More of a
Man", what's ultimately one of the album's best
tracks, he's quick to admit that he's not always the
coolest kid on the block. Then with "Original Cliche"
and "Desperate Man" Gullahorn aptly reminds listeners
that we all fall short without God's grace - a
message that's always worth hearing in a new way." -
Christa Banister, Christian
Single
By the way - the "Christian Single" next to Christa's
name above is not part of her title. It is just the
magazine she is writing for. Andy is very grateful
for Christa's support of his record although he is
slightly offended that she thinks he is not the
"coolest kid on the block".
If all of these legitimate people like Andy's record,
then maybe you would like it too. Actually, all of
your friends would probably like it as well so buy a
bunch of copies and give them
away.
6-30-08 Southeastern Youth Camp, AL
6-26-08 Dandridge, TN
6-22-08 Charlotte, NC
Predicting the Future: Kathrine Heigl
Katherine is an actress
who is probably most famous for her role on
Grey's Anatomy. She has also been in a few
movies like Knocked Up and 27
Dresses. She won an Emmy last year for her role
on Grey's. I don't have many opinions about
her as an actress - that is not what this post is
about. I am just here to objectively tell her future.
What I DO know is that in addition to bad-mouthing
some of the movies she was in, she recently asked for
her name to be removed from consideration for the
Emmy's this year. This was her reasoning ...
"I did not feel that I was given the material this
season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort
to maintain the integrity of the academy
organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In
addition, I did not want to potentially take away an
opportunity from an actress who was given such
materials."
There are all sorts of
strange things you can learn about Ms. Heigl from
this quote. First, she is obviously very humble - if
humility means that you automatically assume you are
going to be nominated and win an award. It also shows
that she is very respectful - if respect means
bad-mouthing your co-workers. But most importantly it
shows that she is severely out of touch with reality.
Supposedly this stunt was an attempt to find her way
out of a contract with the TV show. Perhaps they will
get so fed up with her saying mean things about the
very show that made her famous that they just won't
want her around anymore - and then she can go focus
on her movie career. The unfortunate side to that for
her is that in the long term people don't want to
work with people who talk bad about them. People are
already seeing her as a whiny, ungrateful, spoiled
brat. Can't she see that? Doesn't she know that the
more stuff she says like this - the less people will
want to support her career? Surely she has someone
close to her that can communicate this obvious truth.
I mean, that's what managers are for.
After very little research, I found that her
manager's name is Nancy. Nancy Helgl. Oh - I see. Her
mother is her manager. I believe that is called a
momager. No wonder she is so humble and respectful.
Her mother is probably always at her side telling her
that she is the greatest actress alive and that she
deserves more than what she has. If people aren't
connecting with her character - it isn't because her
movie career makes it harder for the writers to write
big time-intensive parts for her - but it is because
the writers aren't writing good stuff. I am sure the
picture her momager paints is pretty far from
reality.
So that brings us back to the Emmy comment. It seems
to me that Katherine was going to be embarrassed and
disappointed by not winning the Emmy again - so she
essentially took her name out of the race so that she
wouldn't have to hear the Emmy voters take it out for
her. That way she can still believe that she is the
greatest actress of all time - who happens to be
gracious enough to allow someone else to win this
year. How thoughtful. In addition to that - she is
able to blame the writers of the show for not doing
their job as professionally as she obviously does
hers. Ouch. So assuming that Katherine keeps this
behavior up, this is my prediction for her future.
Grey's will not let her out of her contract.
She will continue to whine. She will continue to do
movies on the side. She will continue to annoy the
general public. One day she will eventually leave
Grey's excited to move on to her movie
career. She will learn soon after "headlining" her
first big movie that people aren't that interested in
seeing her. She will enter her downward spiral of
depression as the picture her momager paints gets
further and further from reality. She will "choose"
to take some "time off" to have kids or travel or
something and will emerge years later acting in the
mother role of Sean Preston Spears-Federline's Disney
Channel movie called Dream High about love
and dancing in high school. She will show up to the
20 year Grey's Anatomy reunion show wearing
more make-up than any of the other actors. She will
occasionally appear as a talking head on VH1's
Best Week Ever commenting on useless
entertainment news.
Those things will all come true unless you,
Katherine, do something about it. You control your
own destiny. You can choose to be nice to people and
not think too highly of yourself (See: Steve Carell).
You can choose to apologize to those people you work
with and do your best at your job. You can choose to
surround yourself with people who will keep you
grounded. You can choose to hire me as a life coach
and pay me $20K/month. Otherwise, see you on VH1.
6-7-08 Lakeville, MN
6-6-08 Green Bay, WI
5-31-08 Lincoln, NE
5-29-08 Thomasville, GA
5-28-08 Thomasville, GA (FBC)
5-11-08 LEAF Festival - Asheville, NC
Gullahorn Pez Dispenser
Ben Shive's Record
5-4-08 Oxford, GA
5-3-08 Canton, GA
New Review
I am quite honored that it was the best album of the day on Thursday the 8th of May.
However, I am depressed that my reign as best album has passed. My career is over.
French Fries
It has been quite a while since I
have reviewed anything or posted any sort of blog so
I thought I would return with a very important topic
– French Fries.
Since my job as a national music superstar involves
quite a bit of travel and thus quite a bit of dining
at fast food establishments, I consider myself an
expert in the field. I must make the disclaimer,
however (in case my wife is reading), that I have
severely cut down on my fast food intake.
Anyways, I thought it would be beneficial to the
general public for me to rank one of the staples of
fast food side items – the french fry. Occasionally
there are some other side items available – the best
of which would be the cheese curds at the A&W
restaurants – but for now I am only ranking the
french fries at major fast food restaurant chains.
10. Krystal
Upside: They fill the emptiness in your stomach
Downside: They don’t taste very good
I lived in Nashville for ten years before I even
dared to eat at this place. I had some of their
little Krystal-Chik sandwiches and was pleasantly
surprised so I have been back on occasion. Like any
other American, I have been programmed to need fries
and a drink with every food purchase so I am forced
to get their fries whenever I eat there. These fries
are as close to a neutral taste as you get. They
don’t have much salt (if any) and are often limp and
soggy. If you don’t have ketchup or anything you
might as well just soak the paper cover you took off
of your straw and eat it.
9. Wendy’s
Upside: Frosty dipping
Downside: Can sometimes actually taste bad
At their best, Wendy’s fries can be good enough to
make you want to eat all of the ones you paid for. At
their worst they can have an aftertaste that will
make you long for a Krystal fry. The only reason
these fries are ranked higher than Krystal is because
they sometimes have salt on them and there is always
the possibility that you could be dipping them into a
frosty. I recently had some of their fries with the
aftertaste problem. They tasted OK at first and then
the salty taste gave way to some metallic taste like
I was handling old pennies all day and then licked my
fingers. Not recommended.
8. Sonic
Upside: Tater Tot substitution
Downside: Fries are generic
Sonic’s strongpoint is not their fry. I go for the
Cherry Limeade. Their fries are very
middle-of-the-road similar to ones you might get at a
baseball game or something – but they get extra
points for offering the tater tot alternative. I
usually take advantage of this substitution option.
Tater tots are always the superior choice not only
because they taste better, but they actually trick
you into thinking that you are eating potatoes rather
than fries.
7. Burger King
Upside: Unique taste
Downside: Unique taste
These fries have a unique taste that is not
necessarily better than the other joints, but they
stand out because they have a little bit more of a
crunchy element to them and they are usually fairly
salty.
6. Steak-n-Shake
Upside: Skinny and salty
Downside: Somehow harder to eat
I have a love-hate relationship with this kind of
fry. They are really skinny and taste pretty good but
they aren’t as fun to eat as bigger fries are. I
always feel like I need to use a fork or something.
5. KFC
Upside: Crusty Seasoned taste
Downside: Pam Anderson will be mad at you
Most people haven’t tried these “potato wedges”
before but they are missing out. They are caked in
some of that “seasoned fry” batter and actually taste
pretty good. Also, being “wedges” instead of “fries”
once again makes you feel better because you feel
like you are eating more actual potato. It is not
really any better for you, but perception is
everything.
4. McDonalds
Upside: Salt
Downside: Obesity and eventual death
This is the highest ranking “standard fry” in my
book. The secret? Salt and more salt. The fact that I
like McDonalds’ fries so much makes me wonder if it
would be a good idea to buy one of those salt blocks
they make for cows and just keep it on my kitchen
counter so that I can lick it whenever I pass by.
They are a guilty pleasure for sure. I gave them up
for a while along with all other McDonalds food after
I watched Super Size Me. Unfortunately my ban was
quite short-lived. The first time I was in a car with
someone who ordered those fries – I knew I just had
to have them again. I think they are made with some
type of addictive drug.
3. Arby’s
Upside: Seasoning taste
Downside: Less food mass per order
I am talking about the seasoned curly fries here
because as far as I am concerned there is no other
option at this place. These fries taste great. The
only downside is that I am convinced that they can’t
fit very many of those spiral fries in the little fry
cups – so you are getting less fry for the money.
2. Chik-Fil-A
Upside: Healthy illusion
Downside: No fries on Sunday
Somehow when you take salty fries and serve them in a
waffle shape, they feel healthier. I don’t know that
I would like these fries as much as McDonalds if they
were just normal fry-shape but the fact that you
might be able to see the skin of the potato on the
fry makes you feel that you are eating much
healthier. To make them even better, I dip them in
the Polynesian sauce I get for my awesome nuggets. It
is quite a combo.
1. Checkers/Rally’s
Upside: Mostest Awesomest Taste
Downside: I can’t stop eating them
Some people have never experienced these fries, but
for a fan of the seasoned fry, Checkers is the
greatest place in the world. Maybe by ranking them
number one I will get an official endorsement with
them to receive free fries for the rest of my life.
If you see me sometime soon and I look swollen, you
will know why.
*There are other places that have wonderful fries
like In-N-Out, Ruby Tuesday’s, Five Guys and Red
Robin – but they do not qualify for this test.