2009 Golden Globes
Jan-19,2009 Filed in: WRITINGS
Here is a
long, boring documentation of the 2009 Golden Globes
in case you missed it. My wife, Jill, and I watched
it with our regular award show pals, Mark and Molly.
I also must say that we were in a hurry – so we fast
forwarded through every montage in an attempt to make
it all the way through the show in 90 minutes. You
should also know that the girls were in charge of the
remote which was unfortunate. I will include some
quotes from the evening as well – some of them will
be credited and some of them won’t. I don’t want to
get in trouble.
Here it goes ...
Jlo walks out to present SUPPORTING ACTRESS. The girls try to fast-forward past Marisa Tomei. I make them rewind. KATE WINSLET wins.
“Poor Marisa is out-prettied in that category.”
“I would take Kate Winslet over Amy Adams.” I think by “take”, the author of this quote meant that he would pick them to win in a personality contest.
“Is JLo’s knee showing?” – Mark
They introduce a “singer and social activist” – bearded STING. Colin Farrel is surprised by the beard. I start to wonder which singers are not “social activists” these days. Is it just Amy Winehouse? BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE.
“If my hairline recedes, I hope it goes like Sting’s. because that is respectable” - Mark
Miley Cyrus sticks out her tongue when they announce her nomination. Quite appropriate.
“I could kill that soul patch” Mark about Springsteen.
SPRINGSTEEN wins for his song from The Wrestler.
Eva Longoria and some dude with an accent walk out. They introduce Rumor Willis as the Ms. Golden Globes.
“She looks like Molly Shannon and Susan Sarandon” - Jill
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN TV SERIES
TOM WILKINSON from John Adams wins. We all liked this guy.
“Anything from a show like John Adams is going to win” - Jill
Flashes to Rene Zelwegger and Kate Beckinsale – now that is a contrast.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN TV SERIES. Jill and Molly get excited about Rachel Griffiths because she is in Brothers and Sisters. I can not stand Brothers and Sisters. Here are a couple of reasons why: Sally Field and Calista Flockhart. LAURA DERN wins.
Don Cheadle comes out. He rules. Introduces first COMEDY nomination - the Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading. I saw this movie and enjoyed it. It was definitely weird – but fun to watch.
“Drew Barrymore looks the worst in the world”
Eva Mendes comes out and introduces the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press.
“You can tell she’s not very smart. Seriously. I dated girls like her” - Mark
Zac Ephron and Hayden Pantierre present ACTOR TV SERIES – DRAMA. These presenters make me feel really old.
“What is wrong with Jonathan Rhys Myers?” GABRIEL BYRNE wins.
“She is the girl in class who bossed everybody” – Jill about Pantierre.
The new Captain Kirk and Spock present ACTRESS TV DRAMA. Stop clapping for Sally Field. Kyra Sedgewick scares me. ANNA PAQUIN wins for the vampire show. I have never been very keen on vampire shows/movies. They remind me too much of record labels.
“I love that David Letterman gap she has going” - Mark
What is wrong with Drew Barrymore?
Ricky Gervais. I love this man. He does a quick stand-up bit. He congratulates Kate Winslet for winning a golden globe and said he told her she would win if she played in a holocaust film.
“The problem with Holocaust Films is there is no gag reel” - Gervais
Introduces HAPPY GO LUCKY. I have no clue what that movie is.
Jonas Brothers brothers come out. Jill and Molly scream with excitement. Just kidding. “Poor guy on the right”
“He’s the peter brady of the bunch”
WALL-E wins BEST ANIMATED FEATURE.
Johnny Depp comes out and gets an enthusiastic whistle from Tom Hanks. BEST ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE COMEDY/MUSICAL. What is Happy Go Lucky? Who saw MamaMia? SALLY HAWKINS wins for the Happy Go Lucky movie. Oh man she goes on forever. She is lucky she has a british accent.
Jake Gyllenhall introduces the BENJAMIN BUTTON movie. I am not sure if this is the forum for this or not, but I have to say that I didn’t really like this movie. I also have to say that I feel like a bad person for saying that. I don’t think Mark and Molly liked it either.
Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange – I hope they came dressed as their characters. What happened to Jessica Lange? She looks like a Bratz doll. BEST MINISERIES TV or MOVIE. Please don’t let Puff Daddy win. JOHN ADAMS show wins. Of course.
Demi Moore comes out. I hate to say that she actually looks kind of pretty again. SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOVIE. HEATH LEDGER won for Batman. He should have.
“He scared the living shiza out of me” - Anonymous
Tom Brokaw introduces FROST NIXON
Colin Farrel BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM. He keeps sniffling.
“I just have a cold. Its not the other thing it used to be.” - Colin Farrel.
WALTZ WITH BASHIR wins.
Maggie Gylenhall and Aaron Eckhardt present. The girls aren’t big on Maggie’s outfit. ACTRESS IN MINISERIES. The girls like Catherine Keener. LAURA LINNEY wins from John Adams. Jill got all excited when Julia Ormond flashed on the screen.
Gerard Butler from the Ugly Truth introduces IN BRUGES.
Elizabeth Banks and Seth Rogan present BEST SCREENPLAY. Simon something won for Slumdog Millionaire. They showed a girl from the movie who looked like the Indian version of Rachel McAdams
Amy Poehler and Patrick Dempsey present ACTOR IN COMEDY TV SERIES. ALEC BALDWIN wins for 30 Rock. He is so stinking good.
“I remember when I used to bring Rumor Willis a juice box on the set of a movie.” - Alec
Chubby Bunny Marshmallow girl Rene Zelwegger comes out. The girls don’t like this dress. She introduces THE READER.
Terrence Howard and Megan Fox present ACTOR MINI SERIES TV. PAUL GIAMATTI wins for John Adams.
Glenn Close and Lawrence Fishburne
“Looks like her daughter is getting married.” Jill referring to Glenn’s Mother Of The Bride-type dress.
BEST TV SERIES COMEDY MUSICAL. 30 ROCK. Wow. Tina Fey doesn’t need to go the cleavage route. We like you because you wear normal clothes. She let’s Tracy Morgan give the acceptance speech.
“I’m the face of post-racial America. Deal with it Cate Blanchett!” - Morgan
Pierce Brosnan introduces MAMA MIA. Lucky him.
Kate Beckinsale and Diddy come out. They don’t look like they like each other very much. She is probably just upset that I wasn’t up there with her. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE won I guess – I can’t tell because the girls are going crazy with the TiVo control.
David Duchovny and Jane Krakowski present BEST ACTRESS TV SERIES MUSICAL COMEDY. TINA FEY wins. She seems uncomfortable in that outfit.
“She needs some powder” - Mark
Martin Scorcese comes out to present the special lifetime achievement award for STEVEN SPIELBERG. We don’t have time for this junk. We fast forward all of it and buy ourselves 10 minutes.
Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson present BEST DIRECTOR. DANNY BOYLE for Slum Dog Millionaire. There’s the Indian Rachel McAdams again.
Sigourney Weaver introduces the READER
Sandra Bullock. Hmmmmm. Jill thinks she looks pretty. ACTOR MUSICAL COMEDY. COLIN FARREL wins for In Bruges. I thought he did a good job in that movie. He gives a long speech.
“Is he actor of the year or something. He needs to shut up” - Mark
Salma Hayek introduces VICKI CHRISTINA BARCELONA
Sacha Baron Cohen comes out. Salma Hayek didn’t like the joke about Guy Richie being Madonna’s fired personal assistant. MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL COMEDY – VICKI CHRISTINA BARCELONA wins.
“Every girl is wearing that cream color. I could never wear that color – not that I am ever going to one of these” - Jill
Indian Rachel McAdams and some other guy introduce SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE
Cameron Diaz and Mark Wahlberg. She is all head and shoulders. She is wasting away. BEST ACTRESS IN DRAMA. KATE WINSLET wins. That makes me happy.
“She goes to Leonardo before her husband” - Molly
Kate is having a hissy fit. She starts gushing praise on Leonardo DiCaprio
“Leo, I love you with all my heart. I really do. And my husband Sam, thanks for making me work hard.” Awkward.
Rainn Wilson and Blake Lively present BEST TV SERIES DRAMA – MAD MEN. Those people are so proud.
Susan Sarandon presents BEST ACTOR MOTION PICTURE DRAMA – MICKEY ROARKE wins. That is cool. Someone whot the bird on TV. The acceptance speeches reach a new level as Mickey thanks all his dogs – dead and alive.
Tom Cruise comes out for BEST MOTION PICTURE DRAMA. By “comes out” I mean he walks out on the stage. He hasn’t officially “come out” yet.
“Tom Cruise is so weird”
Jill thinks it will be Slumdog. She is right. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
There you have it. No need to watch it now.
Here it goes ...
Jlo walks out to present SUPPORTING ACTRESS. The girls try to fast-forward past Marisa Tomei. I make them rewind. KATE WINSLET wins.
“Poor Marisa is out-prettied in that category.”
“I would take Kate Winslet over Amy Adams.” I think by “take”, the author of this quote meant that he would pick them to win in a personality contest.
“Is JLo’s knee showing?” – Mark
They introduce a “singer and social activist” – bearded STING. Colin Farrel is surprised by the beard. I start to wonder which singers are not “social activists” these days. Is it just Amy Winehouse? BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE.
“If my hairline recedes, I hope it goes like Sting’s. because that is respectable” - Mark
Miley Cyrus sticks out her tongue when they announce her nomination. Quite appropriate.
“I could kill that soul patch” Mark about Springsteen.
SPRINGSTEEN wins for his song from The Wrestler.
Eva Longoria and some dude with an accent walk out. They introduce Rumor Willis as the Ms. Golden Globes.
“She looks like Molly Shannon and Susan Sarandon” - Jill
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN TV SERIES
TOM WILKINSON from John Adams wins. We all liked this guy.
“Anything from a show like John Adams is going to win” - Jill
Flashes to Rene Zelwegger and Kate Beckinsale – now that is a contrast.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN TV SERIES. Jill and Molly get excited about Rachel Griffiths because she is in Brothers and Sisters. I can not stand Brothers and Sisters. Here are a couple of reasons why: Sally Field and Calista Flockhart. LAURA DERN wins.
Don Cheadle comes out. He rules. Introduces first COMEDY nomination - the Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading. I saw this movie and enjoyed it. It was definitely weird – but fun to watch.
“Drew Barrymore looks the worst in the world”
Eva Mendes comes out and introduces the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press.
“You can tell she’s not very smart. Seriously. I dated girls like her” - Mark
Zac Ephron and Hayden Pantierre present ACTOR TV SERIES – DRAMA. These presenters make me feel really old.
“What is wrong with Jonathan Rhys Myers?” GABRIEL BYRNE wins.
“She is the girl in class who bossed everybody” – Jill about Pantierre.
The new Captain Kirk and Spock present ACTRESS TV DRAMA. Stop clapping for Sally Field. Kyra Sedgewick scares me. ANNA PAQUIN wins for the vampire show. I have never been very keen on vampire shows/movies. They remind me too much of record labels.
“I love that David Letterman gap she has going” - Mark
What is wrong with Drew Barrymore?
Ricky Gervais. I love this man. He does a quick stand-up bit. He congratulates Kate Winslet for winning a golden globe and said he told her she would win if she played in a holocaust film.
“The problem with Holocaust Films is there is no gag reel” - Gervais
Introduces HAPPY GO LUCKY. I have no clue what that movie is.
Jonas Brothers brothers come out. Jill and Molly scream with excitement. Just kidding. “Poor guy on the right”
“He’s the peter brady of the bunch”
WALL-E wins BEST ANIMATED FEATURE.
Johnny Depp comes out and gets an enthusiastic whistle from Tom Hanks. BEST ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE COMEDY/MUSICAL. What is Happy Go Lucky? Who saw MamaMia? SALLY HAWKINS wins for the Happy Go Lucky movie. Oh man she goes on forever. She is lucky she has a british accent.
Jake Gyllenhall introduces the BENJAMIN BUTTON movie. I am not sure if this is the forum for this or not, but I have to say that I didn’t really like this movie. I also have to say that I feel like a bad person for saying that. I don’t think Mark and Molly liked it either.
Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange – I hope they came dressed as their characters. What happened to Jessica Lange? She looks like a Bratz doll. BEST MINISERIES TV or MOVIE. Please don’t let Puff Daddy win. JOHN ADAMS show wins. Of course.
Demi Moore comes out. I hate to say that she actually looks kind of pretty again. SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOVIE. HEATH LEDGER won for Batman. He should have.
“He scared the living shiza out of me” - Anonymous
Tom Brokaw introduces FROST NIXON
Colin Farrel BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM. He keeps sniffling.
“I just have a cold. Its not the other thing it used to be.” - Colin Farrel.
WALTZ WITH BASHIR wins.
Maggie Gylenhall and Aaron Eckhardt present. The girls aren’t big on Maggie’s outfit. ACTRESS IN MINISERIES. The girls like Catherine Keener. LAURA LINNEY wins from John Adams. Jill got all excited when Julia Ormond flashed on the screen.
Gerard Butler from the Ugly Truth introduces IN BRUGES.
Elizabeth Banks and Seth Rogan present BEST SCREENPLAY. Simon something won for Slumdog Millionaire. They showed a girl from the movie who looked like the Indian version of Rachel McAdams
Amy Poehler and Patrick Dempsey present ACTOR IN COMEDY TV SERIES. ALEC BALDWIN wins for 30 Rock. He is so stinking good.
“I remember when I used to bring Rumor Willis a juice box on the set of a movie.” - Alec
Chubby Bunny Marshmallow girl Rene Zelwegger comes out. The girls don’t like this dress. She introduces THE READER.
Terrence Howard and Megan Fox present ACTOR MINI SERIES TV. PAUL GIAMATTI wins for John Adams.
Glenn Close and Lawrence Fishburne
“Looks like her daughter is getting married.” Jill referring to Glenn’s Mother Of The Bride-type dress.
BEST TV SERIES COMEDY MUSICAL. 30 ROCK. Wow. Tina Fey doesn’t need to go the cleavage route. We like you because you wear normal clothes. She let’s Tracy Morgan give the acceptance speech.
“I’m the face of post-racial America. Deal with it Cate Blanchett!” - Morgan
Pierce Brosnan introduces MAMA MIA. Lucky him.
Kate Beckinsale and Diddy come out. They don’t look like they like each other very much. She is probably just upset that I wasn’t up there with her. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE won I guess – I can’t tell because the girls are going crazy with the TiVo control.
David Duchovny and Jane Krakowski present BEST ACTRESS TV SERIES MUSICAL COMEDY. TINA FEY wins. She seems uncomfortable in that outfit.
“She needs some powder” - Mark
Martin Scorcese comes out to present the special lifetime achievement award for STEVEN SPIELBERG. We don’t have time for this junk. We fast forward all of it and buy ourselves 10 minutes.
Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson present BEST DIRECTOR. DANNY BOYLE for Slum Dog Millionaire. There’s the Indian Rachel McAdams again.
Sigourney Weaver introduces the READER
Sandra Bullock. Hmmmmm. Jill thinks she looks pretty. ACTOR MUSICAL COMEDY. COLIN FARREL wins for In Bruges. I thought he did a good job in that movie. He gives a long speech.
“Is he actor of the year or something. He needs to shut up” - Mark
Salma Hayek introduces VICKI CHRISTINA BARCELONA
Sacha Baron Cohen comes out. Salma Hayek didn’t like the joke about Guy Richie being Madonna’s fired personal assistant. MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL COMEDY – VICKI CHRISTINA BARCELONA wins.
“Every girl is wearing that cream color. I could never wear that color – not that I am ever going to one of these” - Jill
Indian Rachel McAdams and some other guy introduce SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE
Cameron Diaz and Mark Wahlberg. She is all head and shoulders. She is wasting away. BEST ACTRESS IN DRAMA. KATE WINSLET wins. That makes me happy.
“She goes to Leonardo before her husband” - Molly
Kate is having a hissy fit. She starts gushing praise on Leonardo DiCaprio
“Leo, I love you with all my heart. I really do. And my husband Sam, thanks for making me work hard.” Awkward.
Rainn Wilson and Blake Lively present BEST TV SERIES DRAMA – MAD MEN. Those people are so proud.
Susan Sarandon presents BEST ACTOR MOTION PICTURE DRAMA – MICKEY ROARKE wins. That is cool. Someone whot the bird on TV. The acceptance speeches reach a new level as Mickey thanks all his dogs – dead and alive.
Tom Cruise comes out for BEST MOTION PICTURE DRAMA. By “comes out” I mean he walks out on the stage. He hasn’t officially “come out” yet.
“Tom Cruise is so weird”
Jill thinks it will be Slumdog. She is right. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
There you have it. No need to watch it now.