About a year ago, I decided it was time to finally set up a Facebook account because everyone said I wasn't cool unless I had a Facebook page. I don't know why I wasn't cool just for having my MySpace page or even my own website, but apparently some people can only find me on Facebook. Whatever. I set up my account on a whim one night and needed to put up a profile picture. I don't have any good normal pictures of myself, so I chose the ping pong picture for my profile. Now I frequently get comments about how awesome my ping pong form looks. What they don't know is that I am about to slam that ball in a girl's face. I guess it is better that people can't see that other side of the table.

Two nights ago, I was helping my wife (Jill) set up her own Facebook page. We created it about a month ago, but she wanted me to show her how to update stuff like pictures and personal information. (On a side note - any 8 year old kid could figure out all of that stuff on their own - but I wasn't about to tell Jill that.) We put up a few pictures of our family and added some other stuff to her page. We came to a section of the personal information that asked her marital status. She clicked "married". It then opened up a little window to link to her spouse. She typed in my name. When we clicked the "update" button at the bottom of the page, it took us directly to another page that said something like ..

"You have chosen to be married to Andy Gullahorn. Is this really what you want to do?"

I know this page is just there to make sure that people don't enter any wrong information before they broadcast it all over Facebook - but a certain feeling of fear shot through me. Right next to the question was that goofy picture of me about to slam a ping pong ball in a pregnant girl's face. It was as if it was saying, "Are you sure you want to be married to this guy? The guy playing ping pong right here in this picture? Are you kidding?"
I looked at Jill and do you know what I saw?

Hesitation.

I can hardly blame her. Most girls dream of marrying some strong, handsome, successful man who will take care of their every need. I could see her mind running through all of my attributes - considering if it really was a wise choice to marry me at this point. I have a stupid ping pong picture on my profile. I love playing fantasy football. I want to re-join the Professional Disc Golf Association. I have an electronic Whoopie Cushion with a remote control - that I use frequently - and still think is funny. I have a 4' x 4' picture of Kathy Lee Gifford's face in my garage that I refuse to get rid of. I don't have the will power to ever turn down sausage or bacon. I have never had a real job. I am not very good at prayer. I snore sometimes. I am sarcastic 70% of the time. The only suit I own has a hole in the shoulder. I stop to pick up hats on the side of the interstate. I am not "in shape". I don't "read books". And the list goes on.

See, ten years ago it wasn't that hard of a decision. We were fresh out of college. She didn't know better - or if she did, I am sure she thought that I would at least mature over time. Turns out I am still the same immature weirdo that I was on August 8, 1998. The only difference is that she didn't know just how weird I was back then. Now she has seen me in my full weirdness. She has seen me make stupid jokes that nobody laughs at. She has seen me say completely inappropriate things to people I hardly know. She has seen just how much time I actually spend getting ready for those Fantasy drafts. Now she is able to make an informed decision - and the odds are not in my favor. I mean, I have known all along that she was out of my league. I was fully aware of that on our first date in 1995 and have been every day since then. And now she has her chance to set the record straight.

The hesitation seemed to last hours but it was probably only 10 seconds or so. It felt as if the mouse pointer was hovering over the "Cancel" button that whole time. I looked at Jill and felt completely helpless. Any attempt to influence her decision might send her over the edge. Then finally - she clicked it.

"Accept"

She smiled at me.

With a sigh of relief I just said, "Thanks."

The May/June issue of Discipleship Journal listed Andy's latest CD as one of their "DJ Picks". It says ...
"OK, so the real reason I listened to Andy's CD is because I'd heard there was a tribute song to his friend's toe, which was cut off by a lawn mower. That song, "Roast Beef", will make you laugh, but it may also leave you feeling as if you've encountered something profound. Which is the effect of this entire CD. How could something so simple - a guy, an acoustic guitar, lyrics about cholesterol and Dora the Explorer - be so eloquent and insightful? I chalk it up, in part, to Gullahorn's unusual honesty about his (and our) humanity and his musical pointing to the unfailing grace of God. If you like a folk sound and great storytelling, head to www.andygullahorn.com for this gem." - Sue Kline, Discipleship Journal

Andy is very grateful for such kind words. Andy has heard from many people who found out about his music through this magazine. Andy would like to thank the people at Discipleship Journal.

The June 2008 issue of Christian Single magazine reviews Reinventing The Wheel as well giving it four stars out of a possible three. Either that or out of five. I can't remember. Either way - it is a lot better than 3.5 stars (take that Natalie Grant). (Andy actually doesn't mean any disrespect to Natalie Grant. Andy likes Natalie and her husband and was only using her as an example from the same magazine. Actually, it wasn't Andy using her as an example - it was us, his team of workers.) Anyways, this is what the review said ...
"Andy Gullahorn has a knack for finding spiritual truths in the ordinary occurrences of life. And that's precisely what makes his music instantly memorable and relatable on Reinventing the Wheel. With the simplicity of acoustic guitar, Gullahorn creates intricate melodies that keep the songs interesting and colorful. Even more distinctive than the music itself are his poetic, meaningful lyrics that reflect the ups and downs of the faith journey. In "More of a Man", what's ultimately one of the album's best tracks, he's quick to admit that he's not always the coolest kid on the block. Then with "Original Cliche" and "Desperate Man" Gullahorn aptly reminds listeners that we all fall short without God's grace - a message that's always worth hearing in a new way." - Christa Banister, Christian Single

By the way - the "Christian Single" next to Christa's name above is not part of her title. It is just the magazine she is writing for. Andy is very grateful for Christa's support of his record although he is slightly offended that she thinks he is not the "coolest kid on the block".

If all of these legitimate people like Andy's record, then maybe you would like it too. Actually, all of your friends would probably like it as well so buy a bunch of copies and give them away.

Katherine is an actress who is probably most famous for her role on Grey's Anatomy. She has also been in a few movies like Knocked Up and 27 Dresses. She won an Emmy last year for her role on Grey's. I don't have many opinions about her as an actress - that is not what this post is about. I am just here to objectively tell her future. What I DO know is that in addition to bad-mouthing some of the movies she was in, she recently asked for her name to be removed from consideration for the Emmy's this year. This was her reasoning ...

"I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

There are all sorts of strange things you can learn about Ms. Heigl from this quote. First, she is obviously very humble - if humility means that you automatically assume you are going to be nominated and win an award. It also shows that she is very respectful - if respect means bad-mouthing your co-workers. But most importantly it shows that she is severely out of touch with reality.
Supposedly this stunt was an attempt to find her way out of a contract with the TV show. Perhaps they will get so fed up with her saying mean things about the very show that made her famous that they just won't want her around anymore - and then she can go focus on her movie career. The unfortunate side to that for her is that in the long term people don't want to work with people who talk bad about them. People are already seeing her as a whiny, ungrateful, spoiled brat. Can't she see that? Doesn't she know that the more stuff she says like this - the less people will want to support her career? Surely she has someone close to her that can communicate this obvious truth. I mean, that's what managers are for.
After very little research, I found that her manager's name is Nancy. Nancy Helgl. Oh - I see. Her mother is her manager. I believe that is called a momager. No wonder she is so humble and respectful. Her mother is probably always at her side telling her that she is the greatest actress alive and that she deserves more than what she has. If people aren't connecting with her character - it isn't because her movie career makes it harder for the writers to write big time-intensive parts for her - but it is because the writers aren't writing good stuff. I am sure the picture her momager paints is pretty far from reality.
So that brings us back to the Emmy comment. It seems to me that Katherine was going to be embarrassed and disappointed by not winning the Emmy again - so she essentially took her name out of the race so that she wouldn't have to hear the Emmy voters take it out for her. That way she can still believe that she is the greatest actress of all time - who happens to be gracious enough to allow someone else to win this year. How thoughtful. In addition to that - she is able to blame the writers of the show for not doing their job as professionally as she obviously does hers. Ouch. So assuming that Katherine keeps this behavior up, this is my prediction for her future.
Grey's will not let her out of her contract. She will continue to whine. She will continue to do movies on the side. She will continue to annoy the general public. One day she will eventually leave Grey's excited to move on to her movie career. She will learn soon after "headlining" her first big movie that people aren't that interested in seeing her. She will enter her downward spiral of depression as the picture her momager paints gets further and further from reality. She will "choose" to take some "time off" to have kids or travel or something and will emerge years later acting in the mother role of Sean Preston Spears-Federline's Disney Channel movie called Dream High about love and dancing in high school. She will show up to the 20 year Grey's Anatomy reunion show wearing more make-up than any of the other actors. She will occasionally appear as a talking head on VH1's Best Week Ever commenting on useless entertainment news.
Those things will all come true unless you, Katherine, do something about it. You control your own destiny. You can choose to be nice to people and not think too highly of yourself (See: Steve Carell). You can choose to apologize to those people you work with and do your best at your job. You can choose to surround yourself with people who will keep you grounded. You can choose to hire me as a life coach and pay me $20K/month. Otherwise, see you on VH1.

It has been quite a while since I have reviewed anything or posted any sort of blog so I thought I would return with a very important topic – French Fries.

Since my job as a national music superstar involves quite a bit of travel and thus quite a bit of dining at fast food establishments, I consider myself an expert in the field. I must make the disclaimer, however (in case my wife is reading), that I have severely cut down on my fast food intake.

Anyways, I thought it would be beneficial to the general public for me to rank one of the staples of fast food side items – the french fry. Occasionally there are some other side items available – the best of which would be the cheese curds at the A&W restaurants – but for now I am only ranking the french fries at major fast food restaurant chains.

10. Krystal
Upside: They fill the emptiness in your stomach
Downside: They don’t taste very good
I lived in Nashville for ten years before I even dared to eat at this place. I had some of their little Krystal-Chik sandwiches and was pleasantly surprised so I have been back on occasion. Like any other American, I have been programmed to need fries and a drink with every food purchase so I am forced to get their fries whenever I eat there. These fries are as close to a neutral taste as you get. They don’t have much salt (if any) and are often limp and soggy. If you don’t have ketchup or anything you might as well just soak the paper cover you took off of your straw and eat it.

9. Wendy’s
Upside: Frosty dipping
Downside: Can sometimes actually taste bad
At their best, Wendy’s fries can be good enough to make you want to eat all of the ones you paid for. At their worst they can have an aftertaste that will make you long for a Krystal fry. The only reason these fries are ranked higher than Krystal is because they sometimes have salt on them and there is always the possibility that you could be dipping them into a frosty. I recently had some of their fries with the aftertaste problem. They tasted OK at first and then the salty taste gave way to some metallic taste like I was handling old pennies all day and then licked my fingers. Not recommended.

8. Sonic
Upside: Tater Tot substitution
Downside: Fries are generic
Sonic’s strongpoint is not their fry. I go for the Cherry Limeade. Their fries are very middle-of-the-road similar to ones you might get at a baseball game or something – but they get extra points for offering the tater tot alternative. I usually take advantage of this substitution option. Tater tots are always the superior choice not only because they taste better, but they actually trick you into thinking that you are eating potatoes rather than fries.

7. Burger King
Upside: Unique taste
Downside: Unique taste
These fries have a unique taste that is not necessarily better than the other joints, but they stand out because they have a little bit more of a crunchy element to them and they are usually fairly salty.

6. Steak-n-Shake
Upside: Skinny and salty
Downside: Somehow harder to eat
I have a love-hate relationship with this kind of fry. They are really skinny and taste pretty good but they aren’t as fun to eat as bigger fries are. I always feel like I need to use a fork or something.

5. KFC
Upside: Crusty Seasoned taste
Downside: Pam Anderson will be mad at you
Most people haven’t tried these “potato wedges” before but they are missing out. They are caked in some of that “seasoned fry” batter and actually taste pretty good. Also, being “wedges” instead of “fries” once again makes you feel better because you feel like you are eating more actual potato. It is not really any better for you, but perception is everything.

4. McDonalds
Upside: Salt
Downside: Obesity and eventual death
This is the highest ranking “standard fry” in my book. The secret? Salt and more salt. The fact that I like McDonalds’ fries so much makes me wonder if it would be a good idea to buy one of those salt blocks they make for cows and just keep it on my kitchen counter so that I can lick it whenever I pass by. They are a guilty pleasure for sure. I gave them up for a while along with all other McDonalds food after I watched Super Size Me. Unfortunately my ban was quite short-lived. The first time I was in a car with someone who ordered those fries – I knew I just had to have them again. I think they are made with some type of addictive drug.

3. Arby’s
Upside: Seasoning taste
Downside: Less food mass per order
I am talking about the seasoned curly fries here because as far as I am concerned there is no other option at this place. These fries taste great. The only downside is that I am convinced that they can’t fit very many of those spiral fries in the little fry cups – so you are getting less fry for the money.

2. Chik-Fil-A
Upside: Healthy illusion
Downside: No fries on Sunday
Somehow when you take salty fries and serve them in a waffle shape, they feel healthier. I don’t know that I would like these fries as much as McDonalds if they were just normal fry-shape but the fact that you might be able to see the skin of the potato on the fry makes you feel that you are eating much healthier. To make them even better, I dip them in the Polynesian sauce I get for my awesome nuggets. It is quite a combo.

1. Checkers/Rally’s
Upside: Mostest Awesomest Taste
Downside: I can’t stop eating them
Some people have never experienced these fries, but for a fan of the seasoned fry, Checkers is the greatest place in the world. Maybe by ranking them number one I will get an official endorsement with them to receive free fries for the rest of my life. If you see me sometime soon and I look swollen, you will know why.

*There are other places that have wonderful fries like In-N-Out, Ruby Tuesday’s, Five Guys and Red Robin – but they do not qualify for this test.